How To Open A Night Club

This tactical email from PSFK fave Urban Junkies offers a how-to for new night club owners. Even though it’s just for laughs there’s truths in there that reflect our times. An extract: 1. Start by creating a website that is slick yet utterly opaque. Since the reality will doubtless be a disappointment, the aim is […]

This tactical email from PSFK fave Urban Junkies offers a how-to for new night club owners. Even though it’s just for laughs there’s truths in there that reflect our times. An extract:

1. Start by creating a website that is slick yet utterly opaque. Since the reality will doubtless be a disappointment, the aim is to maintain an air of mystery and exclusivity.

2. Be sure to ‘open’ at least a month or two before you actually open. Whilst Fashion Week is ideal, any media awards and celebrity parties should suffice.

3. Ensure that such slebs get snapped at your club as early as possible. An A-list poseur, a C-list cat-fight and a bleary-eyed, early morning pap-shot should cover your bases.

4. Only circulate your press release either moments before you actually open, shortly afterwards, or never at all. That way no one will really have a clue what you are about.

5. If you opt for a members policy, be a little hazy about it at the beginning (turned-away crowds are a good thing), and make sure to charge as much as you can. Even if your venue is empty/naff, the more fools you have paying £3k per year, the more exclusive it will seem.

6. Do not turn away all the cool kids or pretty blaggers. Without us for fun, all that wealth will be entirely dull, meaningless and boring.

Urban Junkies

Comments

Quantcast