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George Parker: Would You Like Snot on That Sub?

George Parker: Would You Like Snot on That Sub?
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George Parker
  • 21 april 2009


OK, here we are, a week after the Domino’s YouTube “BoogerVision” disaster and we are deep into the various analyses of whether or not Domino’s handled this major fuck up well from a PR point of view. It’s been re-hashed and bashed more times than whether or not the singing Scottish lady with the retro-fashion sense and bushy eyebrows represents the end of flash and glam on prime time television… And I wouldn’t put money on that either!

In a Monday AdAge article, all the usual pundits are trotted out to give their take on it; Rob Weisberg, VP-multimedia marketing at Domino’s, says somewhat naively “This is obviously a horrible story and every marketer’s nightmare. It’s amazing to me that somebody in this day and age would think, hey, I can do that and get away with it.” No Rob, what’s amazing is that if you insist on hiring a bunch of minimum wage losers, who can’t get a job anywhere else, why would you not expect them to video themselves shoving cheese up their nose and farting on the salami? And when you combine that with the revelation the lady in charge of the camera has since been revealed to be a registered sex offender, it also casts some doubt on your hiring practices (Which, as I lovingly enjoy pointing out on AdScam, could also be applied to the criteria Domino’s applies to selecting its ad agencies!) AdAge offers kudos for Domino’s getting on top of the situation within 48 hours… Are they fucking kidding? Besides being the title of Eddie Murphy’s best movie (well, one of his less embarrassing ones,) 48 hours in Internet time is a fucking eternity. The video had had one million views in those two days before it was taken down, and has since had another million views on mirror and pick up sites.

Sticking Domino’s President, Patrick Doyle, on camera, woodenly posed in front of the world’s biggest Domino’s logo, while wearing a cheap polyester shirt sporting another cheesy Domino’s logo, doesn’t fix it for me… Particularly as he was obviously reading his stilted lines from a teleprompter situated six feet to the left of his camera eye line.

Bob Garfield of AdAge fame, who I have been known to knock in the past, summed it up perfectly in his review of the President’s response. Following Doyle’s statement that “The two team members have been dismissed, and there are felony warrants out for their arrest”, Garfield responds: “Team members?” Doesn’t an episode like this point to the glaring ridiculousness of Corporate Speak? Wouldn’t this be a time to let it go?” Amen to that Bob. You can give them grandiose titles like team members, sales associates, or Emperor Penguin Douchenozzles, if you pay minimum wage and no benefits… They’re going to stick cheese up their nose and fart on the salami. Or even worse!

George Parker is a guest columnist for psfk.com. He is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com, which is without doubt, one of the most foul and annoying, piss & vinegar ad blogs on the planet. He is the author of MadScam and his new book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, which is currently setting the ether ablaze (and which you can order now on Amazon). He will continue to relentlessly promote the crap out of it until you are forced to stab yourself in the eyes with knitting needles.

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