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Do Not Attempt to Adjust Your Superhetrodyne Receiver. We are in Charge!

Do Not Attempt to Adjust Your Superhetrodyne Receiver. We are in Charge!
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George Parker
  • 16 june 2009

It’s interesting that just as the unwashed TV watching masses are coping with the drama of going completely digital, within days the annual opera buffo show known in the trade as the “Cannes Lions” will take place.

As the Adverati sit through screenings of the latest TV spots Brazil, Dubai and Timbuktu’s finest have come up with (all of which for some reason seem to have been shot with an English sound track) Joe Bob will be kicking the shit out of his ten year old Wal-Mart set, ‘cos that Godamn converter box doesn’t work with his bent wire, coat hanger antenna. He probably might be wondering why the hell he has to go through all this shit when everything was fine before, and he could get all the NASCAR and Pro-Wresting and Monster Truck stuff he ever wanted on that trusty coat hangar. Obviously no one told him the major telecoms and Internet heavies needed all that extra analog bandwidth so they could provide, and charge us for, even more services we probably don’t need. And as their lobbyists have a shitload more money than Joe Bob’s, they got what they wanted. By the way, did they ever pay for it?

Meanwhile, back in Cannes, the ad hoi polloi will mingle on the Croisette while sipping their twenty five dollar Mimosas and discussing the effectiveness of that rather “noir” spot by Director du Jour “Kassar.” You know the one which takes an intriguing Felliniesque approach to the resolution of mankind’s forever troubling question… “Should I SuperSize that Whopper?” As to whether or not it deserved the Diamond encrusted, Molybdenum Lion, that will be argued well into the night as they move on to the Interpublic party aboard the Christina O.

I suppose we should not be surprised to hear that entries are down twenty percent and attendance will be down forty percent at Cannes this year. I mean, the cost of a single entry would keep Joe Bob in Bud Light for a year. But once the economy turns around (in about ten years!) it will be business as usual for all the usual suspects. Even more categories will be introduced, not for the claimed pretence that this is more representative of the diversity of the business now, but because it will generate more fees.

By that time Joe Bob might have sorted out his signal problems, but no doubt we will be on the verge of going from digital to Kryptonite beams, ‘cos the Global/Telecommunications/Corporation, which used to be known as Google, needs the bandwidth for some undisclosed purpose. And as the Global/Telecommunications/Corporation also happens to be the government, they will get exactly what they want.

Joe Bob is fucked.

George Parker is a guest columnist for psfk.com. He is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com, which is without doubt, one of the most foul and annoying, piss & vinegar ad blogs on the planet. He is the author of MadScam and his new book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, which is currently setting the ether ablaze (and which you can order now on Amazon). He will continue to relentlessly promote the crap out of it until you are forced to stab yourself in the eyes with knitting needles.

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