George Parker: And the Host of the 2016 Olympiad Is… Corporate America!

I blogged the other day about how shocked everyone seemed to be that the IOC had the gall to award the 2016 Olympics to Rio, rather than Chicago. Even poking a shitty stick in the Second City’s eye by eliminating them in the very first round of voting. But, as I pointed out, based on the financial problems of almost all previous host cities, Chicago should be thankful they didn’t get it. Montreal’s 1976 Olympics left the city with $2.7 billion of debt that it finally paid off in 2005. That’s almost thirty years. Not to mention that these days $2.7 billion won’t even buy you a car company.

Which leads me to the subject of sponsorship. I’ve always cast a somewhat jaundiced eye on companies willing to pay a small fortune to have Tiger Woods in their ads, believing it has less to do with Tiger’s ability to persuade you to buy a clunky old Buick, than the fact that Buick’s senior management get to play nine holes with Tiger once a year (But not any more.) However, compared to an Olympic sponsorship, Tiger is a bargain. If you wish to become a member of The Olympic Program (TOP) you have to cough up $50 million for a four year deal. All that does is allow you to say you are the official toilet brush, or whatever, of the Olympics… But just the brush. Someone else can be the official toilet paper (or as the people who make this stuff like to call it, “bathroom tissue,”) and someone else can be the official toilet. This way, the IOC can really milk the companies dumb enough to fall for this deal.

When I worked on the Xerox account many years ago, they shelled out millions to be the “Official Copier of the Olympics.” But someone else was the official printer, or the official fax machine, even though Xerox made all these things. The only thing they could stick the Olympic rings on were the copiers, anything else costs another $50 million. It’s a good racket if you can get away with it, and the IOC certainly does.

So the $50 million question is, does this huge outlay pay off for companies joining the TOP? Most will claim yes, even though they cannot really prove it. OK, for companies like Nike, it’s probably a viable deal, because it sells a lot of very expensive sneakers to kids who can’t afford them. But for most sponsors, that have absolutely no connection with sport, I doubt if it’s little more than a couple of week’s vacation for senior management and preferred customers in an exotic location. I mean c’mon guys, checking out topless Brazilian chicks on Copacabana beach beats the shit out of two weeks in The Windy City.

And on a final note, did you know that we (that’s anyone out there paying taxes) are still paying millions for the privilege of having the A.I.G. logo on Manchester United’s shirts. Listen. I’m from Manchester, and I guarantee not one Mancunian (that’s what we’re called) has a clue, or cares, what A.I.G. is. But we’ll take the money. Thanks.

George Parker is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com, without doubt, one of the most foul and annoying, piss & vinegar ad blogs on the planet. His new book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, has just been published by Amazon and is currently setting the ether ablaze. He will continue to relentlessly promote the crap out of it until you are forced to stab yourself in the eyes with knitting needles.