menu

George Parker: Why Do Corporate Communications Rarely Communicate?

George Parker: Why Do Corporate Communications Rarely Communicate?
Advertising

George Parker is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com. Every week he shares his opinions on the advertising world with PSFK.

Dan Gould
  • 11 may 2010

At the time of writing, word just in that the seven trillion dollar ton plug that BP was lowering onto one of its massive oil leaks – Could the media please stop calling it a “spill,” it’s a fucking ginormous hole in the ocean floor that will continue leaking shit centuries after Interpublic finally makes some money – has failed to do the job. Apparently, the extraction pipes were blocked by thousands of ice cubes left over from the last BP, congressional lobbyist’s, cocktail party.

Yet for days, we had been assured that this would be the first part of BP’s multi-million dollar effort to wipe the oil off their face. Never forgetting that for years BP has spent a ton of money running a campaign stressing they are a “Green” company, committed to protecting the environment. Right now, the BP web site is pumping out propaganda about how they are committed to handling the situation, meantime the news continues to gets worse. Best part of the current BP site is the headline in the section “Environment & Safety.” It reads… “Safe and reliable operations are integral to BP’s success, and we strive continuously to improve our safety performance.” Shades of Goldman Sachs and its infamous “Core Business Principals,” which translated into AdScam – Parker –Speak, basically says… “Ha, fucking Ha – We fuck customers.” No surprise that these hallowed words have recently disappeared from their Web site.

But if corporate America continues to put its foot in its mouth every time it attempts to communicate with the public, are the professional communicators they employ any better? Go to any BDA Web site and read the drivel they continue to pump out. A few years ago, J. Walter Thompson renamed itself, JWT, which coincidentally, is what people had been calling it since Commodore Thompson parked his battleship in the Hudson and opened the place in the Middle Ages. JWT declared… “Time is the new currency. Our job is to ensure more people spend more time with our clients’ brands. We need to create ideas that people want to spend more time with. The better the idea the more time people will spend with it.” That’s “Time X 4” and “More X 4.” They also stated that they were no longer in the ad agency business, as they had now transmogrified into the lofty heights of “Commercial Anthropology!” This startling admission has long since disappeared from their Web site, but the “Time/More” mangled mantra persists.

Concurrent with this destruction of the English language, is the never ending obfuscation of what used to be easy to understand job descriptions into grandiose titles. One BDA recently created the post of… “Global Director of Strategic Content.” Apparently this person will spearhead the development and dissemination of consumer insights, trend reports, and other thought leadership pieces… Whatever the fuck they may be! I never cease to be amazed how BDA’s concoct these esoteric titles for what used to go by such mundane names as research & planning. Still, I guess they figure it’s another way of liposuctioning money out of clients. This serves to further demonstrate most BDA’s inability to live in the real world. The clock is ticking!

George Parker is a guest columnist for psfk.com. He is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com, which is without doubt, one of the most foul and annoying, piss & vinegar ad blogs on the planet. He is the author of MadScam and his new book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, which is currently setting the ether ablaze (and which you can order now on Amazon). He will continue to relentlessly promote the crap out of it until you are forced to stab yourself in the eyes with knitting needles.

Advertising
Trending

Brand Engagement At The Gates Of The World's Largest Open-Air Gallery

Culture
Asia Yesterday

Safe Drivers Rewarded In Japan With Free Coffee

Driving Barista is a new app that encourages Japanese motorists to put their phones down as they drive

Arts & Culture Yesterday

Michael Kors Has Designed Their Own Instant Camera

In a partnership with Fuji, the limited edition Instax Mini 70 comes in an exclusive metallic gold color

Trending

Get PSFK's Related Report: Future of Automotive

See All
Health Yesterday

Manage Your Emotional Health Through Your Phone

Pharmaceutical company Pfizer has created a new iOS app meant to help patients track mental progress and set goals

Food Yesterday

Delete Food Pics Off Of Instagram To Feed The Hungry

Land O'Lakes and Feeding America are donating meals for every picture of a meal taken off of the social platform

Related Expert

Adam Laskowitz

Smart Home Designer

Design & Architecture Yesterday

This Shape-Shifting Pod Could Be The Future Of The Cubicle

MIT and Google have designed a new form of work enclosure meant to offer privacy in open-office layouts

Advertising Yesterday

Billboard Spies On People As They Walk By

To promote the movie "Snowden," the advertisement broadcasts information on passersby without their knowledge

Fashion Yesterday

Anti-Pollution Scarf Helps Cyclists Ride Through Cities

An innovative system filters pollutants and its accompanying app monitors quality of the air

PSFK LABS REPORT

Future Of Automotive
Scenarios Driving The Digital Transformation Of An Industry
NEW

PSFK Op-Ed september 26, 2016

Why Building Better Offices Is The Key To Employee Engagement

Interaction Designer and Audio-visual Technologist at ESI Design illustrates the value in creating environments filled with surprise and delight

PSFK Labs Yesterday

New Mentorship Ecosystems Benefit All Levels Of An Organization

PSFK’s Future of Work report explores how technology is being leveraged to support cross-team communication

Automotive Yesterday

Volvo’s Self-Driving Trucks Will Soon Be Put To Work In An Underground Mine

The fully-automated vehicles are part of a development project to help improve safety for workers

Op-Ed Yesterday

Energy Expert: How American Consumers Are Taking Control Of Their Power Use

Jennifer Tuohy, green tech expert at The Home Depot, discusses green home technologies and developments for renewable technologies in US homes

Work Yesterday

Editorial Roundtable: How Will Companies Staff The Workplace Of The Future?

Managed By Q, Soma, Workbar, Primary, AltSchool and thinkPARALLAX examine the ways that a people-first workplace might disrupt the job hiring process

Arts & Culture Yesterday

Mischievous Drone Will Drop Paint-Filled Balloons On Targets Of Your Choosing

A German photography team developed the flying device to accurately deliver a payload wherever needed

PSFK LABS REPORT

Future Of Work
Cultivating The Next Generation Of Leaders
NEW

Fashion Yesterday

100 Backpacks Made For The World’s Top Influencers

Heineken and TUMI have collaborated on a unique custom NYC-inspired bag

Financial Services Yesterday

This Peer-To-Peer Insurance Company Is Powered By Bots

Lemonade is a new product designed to lighten the paperwork and provide instant, helpful service when needed

No search results found.