George Parker: The Shrek Effect!

George Parker is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com. Every week he shares his opinions on the advertising world with PSFK.

I did a post on AdScam a couple of days ago about the BP oil leak (when will the media realize it’s not a “spill,” it’s a gigantic leak!) and how it offered further proof of my long held belief that the majority of ad agencies and PR shysters are whores, ready to sell their first born into slavery and force their wives into prostitution if it will help pay their holding company management’s obscene salaries and “performance” bonuses… Best illustrated by the extreme case of Omnicom CEO, John Wren’s $45 million “Golden Coffin” award, artfully crafted so the money keeps rolling in long after the Obersturmbahnfuehrer has gone to the giant holding company in the sky.

BP’s pathetic new ad campaign is claiming that they really, really care, and will do everything in their power to make everything lovely again. So, why do I, and the majority of the US population think these bozos are full of shit? Simple, it’s based on their track record. And no, this isn’t a rant about the evils of corporate America; it’s a rant about the stupidity of corporate America.

This is proven every day. Only last week it was all over the media that the Shrek glasses sold at McDonald’s for $2 a pop, when you order your lard filled FatBurger, contain Cadmium, a carcinogenic element, likely to cause children’s heads to explode shortly after their liver explodes as a result of the aforementioned FatBurger. Right now, Ronald McDonald has ordered the recall of 12 million collectible glasses. So I guess the Chinese supplier of this carcinogenic drek, has gone back to making “iPads to die for.”

Which gives me a nice segue into the latest insane statement of GodJobs… Sorry Piers, there goes half your audience… When it was pointed out to his holiness that many of the workers at the Chinese factory contracted to manufacture the “strokeable gizmo of the future” were being driven to suicide ‘cos they had to work 26 hours a day, with one bathroom break every two weeks, and could be expected to be happy, fat and lazy on about 50 dollars a month… He replied, “What’s wrong with these fuckers… It’s a nice factory with restaurants and swimming pools, dog exercise areas and giant pictures of me and Chairman Mao.” Well, apart from the fact that I am sure he’s never been to inspect the place; doesn’t he know that the dogs are being exercised before being served in the restaurants? Yeah, I know, that’s Korea… But don’t stop me mid-rant.

All I’m saying is that the upper management of most companies – And that applies, not just in America, but globally. – Are completely out of touch with ordinary people. Which should not come as too much of a surprise, ‘cos whilst making more money than Croesus, they never actually interact with ordinary folks, apart from the ones who park their cars at the country club. Never forget, this is a bunch of people who believe they are doing God’s work whilst pushing the country over the edge of a precipice. So yes, they may be incorrigible, but that’s expected. However, there is no excuse for their so-called communications experts, whether advertising agencies or PR douchenozzles, tasked by their clients to manage the crisis du jour, whilst continuing to take their clients money based on the pathetic proposition they can actually change the public’s belief that their clients are a bunch of snot-gobbling fucktards.

But hey, BP, I’m an AdHo, I’ll work for millions. Call me.

George Parker is a guest columnist for psfk.com. He is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com, which is without doubt, one of the most foul and annoying, piss & vinegar ad blogs on the planet. He is the author of MadScam and his new book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, which is currently setting the ether ablaze (and which you can order now on Amazon). He will continue to relentlessly promote the crap out of it until you are forced to stab yourself in the eyes with knitting needles.

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