George Parker: CEO As God!

The news at the end of last week that Mark Hurd, CEO of Hewlett Packard was stepping down after being named in a sexual harassment case by a former lady contractor was no big deal… If I had a dollar for every major corporation CEO caught dipping his pen in the company ink, I’d be a rich man. But then HP made a point of stressing that the sexual harassment charge was not the reason for the dismissal; it was the fact that he had been fiddling his expenses when he took his “lady friend” (who according to The Telegraph was a former porn star) for dinner. It uncovered irregularities in his expenses claims ranging between $1,000 and $20,000 for meals and travel. And, this is a guy who was in the middle of negotiating a new $100 million, three year contract. Now he’ll have to settle for a mere $34 million Golden Parachute. Poor sod!

OK, so what’s my point here? Simply that these people not only have balls of steel and define the word “hubris,” they are also really fucking cheap. If this guy had refrained from fiddling a few thousand dollars, he would not have been found out and would still be making millions. When his predecessor, Carly Fiorina, got fired, five years ago and walked with a $42 million pay out, part of her package was a $95 three year service contract for her laptop. When “Neutron” Jack Welsh left GE with more money than Croesus, part of his package was free vitamin tablets (code for Viagra) for the rest of his fucking life. I guess that’s how the rich stay rich.

More importantly, these are the people Wall Street puts on a pedestal, because they acquire a reputation for delivering shareholder value. But in many cases, this is achieved by massive downsizing, with thousands of workers laid off. (Welsh’s “Neutron” nick-name came from his ability to empty entire buildings with the stroke of a pen.)

But none of this is new, remember Al “Chainsaw” Dunlap who cratered Sunbeam after laying off thousands. Bob Nardelli who decimated Home Depot, walked with $600 million, and was then hired as CEO of Chrysler!

Is there a CEO out there who actually cares about their company, rather than their numbered Swiss bank account? There’s a few, but possibly the best example is Steve Jobs. Yeah, he’s richer than God, and nuttier than a fruitcake, but he really, really cares about Apple, and it would not be the same without him.

What’s all this got to do with advertising? Because it affects us in two ways. Firstly, the client companies we have to deal with are increasingly being run by people whose overriding concern is cutting costs. That’s why we see the growth of crowdsourcing, CGC, search consultants driving down fees, even a movement to have agencies pay for the “privilege” of pitching their business. And secondly, because all the BDA’s are run by holding companies, which in turn are run by bean counters, who just like client management, are driven by cost reduction rather than product improvement.

I know I’ve beaten this donkey before. But believe me, I’ll keep on wielding that stick, ‘cos it aint getting better, it’s getting fucking worse.

George Parker is a guest columnist for psfk.com. He is the perpetrator of adscam.typepad.com, which is without doubt, one of the most foul and annoying, piss & vinegar ad blogs on the planet. He is the author of MadScam and his new book, The Ubiquitous Persuaders, which is currently setting the ether ablaze (and which you can order now on Amazon). He will continue to relentlessly promote the crap out of it until you are forced to stab yourself in the eyes with knitting needles.