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Help Remedies Offers Condoms To Have ‘The Best Sex Possible’

‘Help I’m Horny’ will be on offer at luxury hotels where people are thought to have exciting encounters.

Emma Hutchings
Emma Hutchings on January 24, 2013.

Help Remedies has introduced their latest product ‘Help I’m Horny‘, a simple contraception solution containing two lubricated thin natural latex condoms. The condoms will only be available at luxury hotels including select W Hotels and through an online application process. Helps co-founder and creative director, Nathan Frank, said:

We’re not interested in making condoms for pedestrian, uninspired sex. We’re only interested in being a part of the best sex possible, which is why we’re working exclusively with luxury hotels at this time.

Help Taps Into Adventurous Vacation Sex With Luxury Hotel Condom Partnership

People can apply to get the condoms at home by describing the sexual act that most defines them, describing their genitals, drawing a scene from a recent sexual dream, and selecting which erotic engraving by Caracci they like the most.

This is “to ensure it will be used for only the best sex” and is a clever way to drum up interest for the product. If the applicant passes Helps rigorous approval process, they will be contacted with a link for purchasing the condoms online.

Update: For those who didn’t pass the ‘Help I’m Horny’ test, Sir Richard’s is offering free condoms, commenting in a humorous ad and press release:

Sir Richards Sexual Democracy

The ‘rigorous’ Help test consists of sharing sexual fantasies, past sexual experiences and a review of erotic artwork. The test is designed to ensure that nobody utilizes their product for ‘pedestrian, uninspired sex.’ In a hastily-organized press conference at the Sir Richard’s Condom Company headquarters that had no press in attendance, company spokesperson, Charlotte Martin, stated:

“Sir Richard’s is committed to sexual democracy and we believe nobody should have to qualify to practice safe sex. Full disclosure, I myself lack basic eye-hand coordination and have no sense of rhythm, which greatly impairs my skills in bed and racquet sports. On numerous occasions my enthusiasm coupled with these limitations has lead to serious injuries to myself and some of my partners. For myself and the millions of well-intended but imperfect lovers around the world, I am proud to announce that Sir Richard’s embraces us with open arms, offering a one-month free subscription for anyone who fails to qualify to purchase “Help I’m Horny” condoms.”

To take advantage of this offer, email Charlotte (charlotte@sirrichards.com).

Update: It seems this post has sparked quite the war, with a rep from Help! contacting PSFK in regards to Sir Richard’s response:

All of us at help were so glad to learn about Sir Richard’s reaction to “help I’m horny” in PSFK. We’re grateful that they will be welcoming our sexual castoffs, though we were sad to hear about Charlotte’s sexual ineptitude. Attached is our response, featuring some of our favorite drawings from www.helpimhorny.com.

Help! I'm Horny

Help I’m Horny

Thinking...