The Onion has an article about a fictional line of baby products meant to hasten the maturity of your newborns with a tough love approach. Given the surge of happy, fun and clean products, who knows if we’ll actually see this thing on the shelf. It seems laughable, but The Onion has been right before.

After decades of coddling young children, Johnson & Johnson unveiled its new “Nothing But Tears” shampoo this week, an aggressive bath-time product the company says will help to prepare meek and fragile newborns for the real world.

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